Crossroads
by bakasai42
Summary: Chapter 7 up. Keitaro and Naru finally talk, Shinobu and Motoko talk, Kitsune's excited, and Kaolla falls down a hole. Yeah, it's not the best summary ever. But I hope you like it when you read it. db
1. Prologue

All hearts are the same.   
  
They pump blood through our bodies. They allow us to feel things like pain, sorrow, happiness, and love. Our hearts can be freely given up, or stolen, or won by another person whose existence and presence is important to us. If that person makes us happy, if nothing matters more than to be with that person, then our heart does not belong to us anymore.  
  
Only when a heart has been given up does it give true life. When you give your heart to someone, and that person gives you her heart in return, you're bound together by a force that could shake the earth, a power that could challenge the gods themselves.   
  
People give their hearts to the ones they love. Once that's done, that special person can do anything with it. He can choose to treasure the heart, keeping it safe and close to him, knowing its true worth. He can choose to reciprocate the gesture, because ha feels the same way. But he can also choose to break it, smash it into a million pieces. Hearts are very delicate things, and it's a very big decision to give you heart away.  
  
I've been wanting to give you mine for some time now.  
  
But I feel that it may be a bad decision for us both.   
  
We are getting closer to each other by the day, and that fact has been encouraging me to go through with it. I know that my feelings for you and your feelings for me are real. I believe that they're strong enough to bring us together in a serious, romantic relationship.   
  
But things aren't as simple as that anymore.  
  
You're smart, charming, and basically an ideal. You're a well-rounded person, beautiful in many respects. You're intelligent, and diligent with your studies. But no matter what, you don't let your studies get between you and your friends. You're both capable and compassionate. Even though you can be temperamental and stubborn at times, your good qualities more than make up for it.   
  
Because of all these qualities, you deserve a bright and wonderful future.  
  
A future I can't possibly achieve for myself, much less provide for you.  
  
I'm just an idiot, Naru. In the past I was too weak to let go of a promise I made without thinking. And even now that I've left the promise behind me, I'm still lost. I became so obsessed with the past that I wasn't able to see where I was headed. And during the times I wasn't thinking of the promise, I was swayed by my emotions, distracted by my dreams.   
  
Throughout the journey that is my life, I didn't pay attention. Now I don't even know where I am.  
  
But even though I'm so lost, I'm sure about one thing.  
  
We may be together right now, but we're headed in different directions. Life has great plans for you, and lesser plans for people like me.  
  
We're not the same.  
  
If we're not the same, does it mean that we do not belong together?  
  
If we don't belong together, are we meant to be apart? 


	2. The Faded Rainbow

Until you came, my life wasn't going anywhere.  
  
It's true that I had friends, and I wasn't detached from society or reclusive or anything. I had a social life, and there was always a lot of exciting stuff happening around me--or to me, depending on how unlucky I was that day. I had a weekly routine, just like everyone else: going out, watching movies, and playing video games. I didn't live in isolation. I was always able to meet new and interesting people.   
  
But somehow, that didn't matter. I still felt hollow. To me, nothing that happened in my life was important, and nothing I did was exciting. I had dug myself into a depressing little rut, with nothing to fill it with but sketches and photo stickers.   
  
I really liked drawing, and I liked to collect photo stickers. Both activities served as distractions from the trials and tribulations a teenager like me goes through everyday. Everyone needed a hobby, and those were my hobbies.  
  
Ironically, whenever I look at my drawings and purikura, I feel more miserable than before. My sketches were of beautiful girls, real and imaginary. My photo stickers only had my face on it. That was why all of these pictures reminded me that I was alone, that I did not share my life with anyone else. All I had was a feeling of emptiness and loneliness that grew stronger by the day.  
  
I knew I needed a companion. But I was too much of a loser to have one. I wasn't rich, strong, fast, handsome or smart. Even now I haven't changed. No girl would go for me, because I didn't stand out at all. To them, I was as unremarkable as a cloud in a starlit sky.   
  
It's true that I needed companionship. Everyone does, when they're my age. But I wasn't interested in being with anyone at that point, because there was only one girl in my mind.   
  
And I haven't seen her for fifteen years.   
  
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I still thought of the girl of my Promise, the girl I wasn't even sure of anymore. I couldn't forget her, couldn't get her out of my mind. But while thoughts of her filled my every waking moment, I don't remember what she looked like. I wasn't even sure I would be able to recognize her. All I remember is that we made the Promise. She was important to me, and I was important to her, and that made the Promise that much more binding.   
  
I remember very clearly how it felt to be with her, and how happy we both were. If only her family didn't have to move away back then...  
  
...but the fact is, they did.  
  
I remember that day.   
  
I saw her in that truck, and I had been told that the truck was never coming back. Being a kid, I didn't think it was too serious at first. After a while, though, I realized that it also meant she would never come back.   
  
I didn't know what to do. Mustering all of my strength, I chased after the four-wheeled, smoke-spewing monster. But my legs were too short, and I was too slow. I couldn't catch up.  
  
I tried to run faster, pushing myself to go on. I lost control of my legs, lost my footing, and fell down. I got up and ran again, but the truck was going much faster than before.  
  
The last thing I heard from her was "Let's meet at Tokyo U!"   
  
The truck got out of earshot. I still chased after it, hoping it would stop. But it never stopped going. After a while, it was out of sight.  
  
I lost her, and I lost my happiness that very same day. She was the only one who ever saw any good in me, the only one who liked me for who I was. I cried for weeks after that. Even when I was ten years old, I would dream of that girl, and that day. And in the morning, I would wake up to the taste of salt on my cheeks.   
  
Still, there was a chance for us to meet again.   
  
I decided that I would get into Tokyo University no matter what.  
  
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I couldn't say that my hopes didn't falter. I knew how much we liked each other back then, but I also knew a lot could happen in fifteen years. Only a hopeless fool like me would be desperate and stupid enough to keep chasing after a rainbow for that long. No matter how long I ran, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't catch up to it.   
  
Sometimes I would be just so exhausted. I'd be breathing hard, my legs would feel heavy like lead, my clumsy frame would be soaked with sweat, and I couldn't think straight.   
  
That's when the doubtful thoughts come.   
  
Maybe she had found somebody while we were apart. Even though she made the Promise with me, it's still possible that she had fallen in love, and decided to be with someone else for the rest of her life.   
  
Maybe she had forgotten about the Promise altogether. In her mind, it might not have been that important, anyway, and therefore she didn't think it was worth keeping. Who knows, she may have been joking about it.   
  
The worst thing would have been the two of us meeting again, after fifteen years of separation. Finally, we would see each other again in Todai, the agreed-upon rendezvous point of our Promise. We would be so overcome with joy for achieving a destined relationship, a future where we'll always be together...   
  
...and then it turns out that we don't love each other.   
  
Maybe we had changed with the passing of years, and we're no longer the promised lovers we once were. Maybe I wouldn't like what she had become, or maybe she wouldn't like me anymore. People change all the time, especially when you consider a period as long as fifteen years.  
  
But let's say that absolutely nothing changed, that we were the same as we were fifteen years ago. Let's say that, by a strange twist of fate, I get into Tokyo University in time to meet her, to see the girl of my promises. Let's say that both of us remember the promise.   
  
Even with all that, there's no guarantee of happiness...  
  
...because we might not be in love. And without love, eternity is meaningless.   
  
We were young, and it's very likely that we misunderstood things. We didn't know much, and maybe we didn't know enough to be able to tell. Maybe we just didn't understand how important love is, and how much one promise could affect our lives. We were just kids back then, after all.  
  
Perhaps we're just two pathetic souls, clinging on to fragile dreams and baseless fantasies--because we want our lives to be beautiful and special, instead of bleak and gray and ordinary. Perhaps the idea of a childhood love rekindled was too romantic to pass up. Maybe we were just fooling ourselves to begin with.   
  
Maybe there was no rainbow.   
  
That possibility frightened me the most.   
  
But no matter how frightened I was, I had to go on. It didn't matter if the rainbow wasn't real, or if it was faded and old. It was the only destination I had. If I stopped chasing the girl, I wouldn't know what else to do. It's the only thing that gave my existence any meaning.  
And so, even with the doubtful thoughts buzzing through my head, I kept going.   
  
I wanted to keep the Promise. It was the only thing that mattered to me, because it was my only chance at happiness.   
  
And even if I fell again and again, I'd never stay down, because the destination meant more to me than the obstacles I faced. Even if I had to endure the shame of being a ronin, I had made up my mind.   
  
Through hell or high water, I'll meet her again.   
  
I'll be happy again.  
  
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Immediately after I graduated from high school, I took the examination. I had been preparing for it for a year, and I was confident of my chances. My happiness was within reach.  
  
Unfortunately, I failed the exam and wasn't accepted into Toudai. I decided to stay out of tertiary education for the meantime, and focused on trying to get in. I became a ronin, and I was forced to go to cram school to improve my chances.  
  
But even after two years' worth of studying, I still failed the examination, and failed to keep the promise. Cram school wasn't helping at all. All it did was make me more tired and exhausted than before, and it seemed that not one of my efforts was paying off.  
  
I really wanted to get in. I was running on sheer determination, and it wasn't enough to get me accepted into the most prestigious school in the country. The lessons weren't going into my head at all.  
  
Still, I remained optimistic. People can say that I'm a loser, but I'll die before I become a quitter. If I fail, I fail, but it's better to have made the attempt than to regret later. Besides, I figured that third time's the charm, and I can't be unlucky forever. I decided to try my luck once more.  
  
As it turns out, it was lucky that I went there again...  
  
...but not for the reason I expected.  
  
In my third year of cram school, we met for the first time.  
  
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"Oi, Keitaro!"  
  
"What is it?"   
  
I blurt out the words as I find myself falling back into reality.   
  
"What do you mean 'what is it'? You've been staring into space for ten minutes. It's like you were on another planet or something. If this were the real thing, you'd be in big trouble for wasting so much time."  
  
"Gomen, Narusegawa. I just..."  
  
"Don't make excuses, Keitaro. I know calculus isn't as attractive and appealing as your erotic fantasies, but you have to take it seriously in order to understand it. And in order to pass Tokyo U, you've got to master all of it."  
  
Oh boy. There's that look again. Now she's going to point out what I'm doing wrong.   
  
"Here, let me see that!"  
  
I manage to grab my paper just before she gets to it. My solutions are all so dirty and deplorable, and they're all wrong.   
  
"But it's all so hard to understand, Narusegawa! There's just way too much stuff to remember, and my head is starting to hurt..."  
  
"Oh, come on! You just have to try a little harder. If you try to take the test with that kind of attitude, you'll never get in!"  
  
She snatches the paper from my hands, and looks at it. She furrows her brow in irritation, and starts shaking her head.   
  
"No! How many times do I have to tell you, Keitaro? You can't use the theorems for antidifferentiation if you've got two different variables! You have to try to express one variable in terms of the other, and try to express the resulting equation as a sum or difference..."  
  
And in a flurry of x's, y's and antiderivatives, she had solved the problem within two minutes. She then hands me back my paper, with my solution crossed out.  
  
"Do it again. And remember what I've told you."  
  
I really hate calculus. I just don't see the point of replacing numbers with letters and trying to divide x by y when there's no calculator in the world that can perform such a task. I didn't understand one word of Narusegawa's explanation; my brain couldn't handle it. I don't think I have a chance of solving this problem. But I've got to make myself understand it, if I want to pass the exam.  
  
I let out a resigned sigh.   
  
"Hai."   
  
And once again, I try to find the solution. Let's see, what was it that Narusegawa said? Try to express one variable in terms of the other...  
  
It takes another ten minutes, but eventually, I found the answer.  
  
"Is this right?"  
  
"I'm sure it is, Keitaro. Even an idiot like you can solve that problem, as long as you have me as a tutor!"  
  
Narusegawa had said the last statement playfully. It wasn't meant to be insulting. Still, it struck too close to home, and my spirits sank even further.  
  
She takes the paper from my hands, and scans it.   
  
I hold my breath in anxiety.  
  
As her eyes move down the page, her smile widens.   
  
I sigh again, but this time I let out a sigh of relief. My solution is correct! I had gotten it right!  
  
But at the last second, she stops. Her smile fades, and her eyes sweep the page, looking for something.  
  
I was wrong, after all.  
  
"Keitaro, you had it ninety-five percent right... but you should express the answer in terms of the variable that is being sought..."  
  
What was the point? No matter how many times she tries to explain it, I won't understand.  
  
"Never mind, Narusegawa."  
  
"...all you have to do is take this expression for x here..."  
  
It wouldn't make a difference.  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"...and then substitute it into the final expression..."  
  
"Never mind!"  
  
She stops, taken aback by my outburst. She looks hurt, but only for a moment. She then sets her jaw, her eyes harden, and erases all signs of vulnerability. Falling back on her usual methods, she proceeds to retaliate, and tries to hurt me to mask her feelings.  
  
"What are you yelling at me for!? I'm just trying to help you out! You should be thankful that I'm doing this for a hopeless case like you!"  
  
This time, though, I wasn't about to knuckle under. I roll up all the venom and bitterness that comes from three years of failure, and focus it all on my next attacks.  
  
"Oh, right! I'm so GRATEFUL for all your HELP!"   
  
"Are you being sarcastic!?"  
  
"I don't know! I'm an idiot! I don't know anything! And you're so smart! You know everything! Maybe you can tell me whether I was being sarcastic or not!"  
  
"I don't know why I bother with you, Keitaro! You're a loser, and you don't do anything but whine about it! You don't even try to make yourself better! You've got no pride at all! You're not even half a man!"  
  
"What do you care if I'm a loser? What do you know about it!? Let's see if you have any pride left when all your life, people told you to give up on your dreams! They never believed I can do it! They never thought could accomplish anything! Every single time I fail, they would shake their heads, as if they knew all along that I would!"  
  
"There you go again, wallowing in self-pity! If you were a man, you wouldn't..."  
  
"Oh shut up! I'm sick and tired of you telling me what I should and shouldn't do! I'm sick of you telling me that I should try a little harder, when you DON'T KNOW how hard I've been trying all these years! I'm sick..."  
  
"Keitaro!"  
  
"I'm sick of you, Naru!"  
  
Silence.  
  
And the world fades back in. My rage dissipated, and suddenly I realized what I had done.  
  
"Gomen, Narusegawa...."  
  
I pick up my books, collect my papers, and walk towards the door. 


	3. Pride and Shame

Bathing in the hot spring was always the high point of the day. Su would be splashing about, trying to catch Tama and cook her for dinner. Shinobu would try to stop Su. Motoko, Kitsune, and Narusegawa would sit in one corner of the bath, telling stories about grown-up stuff like studying for the Tokyo U exam or other things that may be happening in the house at the time. They just relax, with the warm mist hanging in the air, the sun shining down on them as they soak themselves in the warm, soothing spring water. Somehow, being in the spring made them feel good.  
  
Lately, the residents of Hinata Sou have been using the bath more often. The atmosphere in the house over the past week has been very tense ever since Naru and Keitaro had that fight. They needed to get away from all that, and the spring was the perfect hiding place.  
  
"It would've been better if the argument was lively and loud, like the Naru-yelling-at-idiot-boy and Naru-punching-Keitaro's-lights-out stuff that used to happen on a daily basis," said Kitsune, as she waded, looking for a particularly warm portion of the spring. "But this time, it's a serious fight. They won't even talk to each other. I've never seen them like this." Having found a nice spot, she steadied herself on a boulder, and lowered herself slowly into the water. "Ah, that feels good!"  
  
"From what I heard, Keitaro yelled at Narusegawa when she was trying to teach him the right way to solve a calculus problem," Su chimed in, as she squeezed in next to Kitsune. "Keitaro wasn't able to do it by himself, and he was always coming up with the wrong answer. When Naru tried to help, Keitaro just snapped! I didn't think Keitaro was such a sore loser!"  
  
Kitsune sighed. "Stupid thing to argue about, when you think about it. They've fought over more important things than that in the past, and they've always been able to make up. It's sad to think that the biggest fight they've ever had was because of something so trivial." She put her right elbow on a rock, and held her head in frustration. "Right now, Narusegawa is sitting alone in her room, studying and practicing for the exam. She's been doing that for days, and I'm getting worried. I tried talking to her about it, but she gave me the silent treatment. It's like she's dead to the world or something."  
  
"Loser! Loser! Keitaro's a loser!" Su half-sang, half-said as she bobbed her head in rhythm. Then she stopped singing. "Keitaro sits around all day, too, except he spends his time sketching pretty girls or staring at nothing. He doesn't care about anything anymore. Now both he and Naru are too sad to play with us."  
  
Nobody said anything. They just all looked into the water, watching the sunshine reflecting on the surface. Tama-chan swam by lazily, and the light danced upon the ripples in her wake.   
  
Everyone was in deep thought.  
  
"But," Motoko said, breaking the silence, "this isn't just about the homework. Urashima may be half a man, but he's still a man. And like all men, he still has his pride."  
  
"What do you mean, Motoko?"  
  
"Is that why Keitaro doesn't want to play anymore?"  
  
Motoko's eyes were fixed on the ripples."Didn't you notice how quiet he was before the fight? I think Urashima has a problem, and he thinks that he can deal with it on his own. Whatever it is, I think the fight may have something to do with it."  
  
"I know what it is."  
  
They all turned. "Haruka-san?"  
  
"The mock test is coming up in three weeks. He's been trying to get into Tokyo U for three years, and he's failed every time. He and Narusegawa have been studying harder, but Keitaro doesn't seem to be doing any better."   
  
Haruka stopped. She turned to Su-chan, who was once again splashing through the bath, trying to catch her main ingredient for turtle soup.  
  
Not even the steam could protect Su from Haruka's cold stare. "Stop that, or you'll have no bananas today."  
  
Su hesitated. "No bananas?"   
  
She thought about it. She wasn't sure what turtle meat tasted like, but she really liked bananas. Therefore, she decided, it wouldn't be advisable to risk giving up her daily rations for something that might taste icky.   
  
She abandoned the chase, and sat down. Haruka glared at her for a few more seconds, making sure her point had come across. Then she cleared her throat.   
  
"Keitaro's nervous about the exam, and he pressures himself unnecessarily. He's becoming more unsure about his chances, and he's distracted from his lessons. That's why no matter how hard he studies, he can't retain any information, and keeps freezing up when he has to solve a problem or answer a question. He gives the wrong answer, and he gets even more depressed."  
  
Motoko nodded. "Urashima has been very sensitive about his errors. When Naru-san pointed them out, he perceived her comments as a personal attack on his shortcomings."  
  
Kitsune snapped her fingers."And that's when he yelled at Naru."  
  
"Yep. Keitaro said a lot of stupid things in the heat of the moment. What happened was just the outpouring of emotions after weeks or months--maybe even years--of locking them away. Naturally, the pressure had been building up inside him, and he just snapped."   
  
"Poor sempai..." Shinobu said while she half-heartedly stroked Tama-chan, who was panting with exhaustion. "It doesn't look like they're going to talk anytime soon. Keitaro-sempai is feeling awfully guilty about the things he said, and is too ashamed to smooth things over with Naru-sempai."   
  
Kitsune nodded in agreement."Narusegawa, meanwhile, is much too angry and hurt to apologize, especially since that role had always been played by the three-year ronin." She turned to Haruka. "By the way, Haruka-san, why are you here in the hot springs all of a sudden?"  
  
Haruka looked at her, irritated."What? Are you saying I'm not allowed to enjoy this water once in a while?"  
  
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This isn't working.  
  
I've been doing nothing but drawing for three days straight. I've already used up two pencils, and my hands are starting to blister. I don't feel like going out. I'd study, but I'm too depressed to take anything in. Besides, I wouldn't be able to understand the lessons.  
  
Not without her help. And she's too mad at me right now.  
  
We've had lots of fights before: there's the hot springs incident, when we first met; there's the time I accidentally read a page off her diary; there's the vacation incident, where we bumped into each other in Kyoto and got stuck in the same room; then there's the ghost-ship incident; and there was also the Christmas incident. Stupid misunderstandings, childish arguments. It's all water under the bridge now, and we've become very good friends since then.   
  
Until recently, that is. Why'd I have to open my stupid trap?  
  
I was frustrated. I was angry, I wasn't thinking. I just attacked the nearest person.   
  
I can't face her. Not after what happened.  
  
There's a knock on the door.  
  
Could it be Narusegawa?  
  
"Come in!"  
  
Looks like she wants to talk things over! I'll just explain why I yelled and apologize profusely. Then she'll just sock me right in the kisser, and I'll fly into orbit. After I've recuperated, everything's going to be...  
  
"Ara ara, Keitaro?"  
  
...perfect.  
  
"Oh. Mutsumi-san."  
  
She closed the door behind her, and sat down across the table from me. "It doesn't sound like you're happy too see me. Did I catch you at a bad time?"  
  
"No, not at all. Gomen... I was being rude back there."  
  
"Oh, don't worry about it. I know what happened between you and Naru-san, so I understand if you're upset."  
  
"Did you go into Narusegawa's room?"  
  
She nodded. "Yes, but she looked like she wanted to be alone, so I decided to come here instead. Besides, it seems you two haven't studied together for a while, and you might need some help."  
  
I grinned. "Arigato, Mutsumi-san."  
  
"No problem at all," she said, and she grinned back. "So, shall we begin?"  
  
"Yeah. I've got a lot of catching up to do."  
  
While Mutsumi was unpacking her stuff, I reflected on what she said.   
  
"Narusegawa doesn't want to be with anyone right now?"  
  
"Yes. She seemed awfully quiet."  
  
"I see."  
  
No doubt about it...  
  
I'm the biggest jerk in the planet.   
  
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This isn't working.  
  
I've been studying for four days straight. I've used up three pencils, solved two hundred and twenty math problems, and read through two hundred years' worth of Japanese history. My fingers are getting blisters. And my right leg's starting to fall asleep.  
  
To heck with it. Guess I should lay off the studying for a while. I'm way ahead of schedule anyway, and I've earned a break. I'll pack up my stuff, put away the books, and put my notebook in the drawer. Then I'll just unroll my futon, lie down and take a nap, and I'll wake up feeling much better.   
  
Then I won't have to think about that jerk.   
  
I pack up all my stuff, unroll my futon, shut the windows to lessen the glare of the afternoon sun, and lie down.   
  
But instead of falling asleep, I find myself staring up at the ceiling.   
  
A minute passes, then two, then three. And before I know it, twenty minutes go by, and I haven't slept a wink.  
  
It's no use.   
  
I can't get it out of my head. It's been a week since it happened, and considering how fast the days go, a lot of stuff happens in a week. By my normal standards it should be ancient history by now. But it's still bothering me.   
  
Stupid Keitaro.  
  
Why'd he have to yell at me like that? I was just teaching him the right way to solve the problem. He was doing it wrong, and I was just giving him a little guidance. What's so bad about sharing one's knowledge to help others?  
  
And I didn't say he was an idiot. Sure, in the past I've called him an idiot, a moron, and a loser, but I only say those things to him whenever I'm mad. That's not what I think of him at all. He could be extremely stupid and clueless sometimes, sure, but not all the time.   
  
Most of the time he's a great guy. Despite his limitations, he always does his best to help others. He doesn't take life too seriously, and that may be percieved as irresponsibility on his part. But at least he takes time to smell the flowers, and he always manages to do the right thing when he needs to.  
  
I roll over, trying to find a comfortable position. The pillow was getting too warm, so I turn it over.   
  
If he has a fault, it's the fact that he doesn't have enough confidence in himself. I know that he has it in him to succeed, but he gives up before he even starts. I was just trying to tell him that if he tried a little harder, he could do anything. I even told him that he got that problem ninety-five percent right. I wasn't saying that he was wrong. But apparently, that's how he interpreted my comments.   
  
He's been overly sensitive lately. He finds criticism in practically everything I say, even when I don't mean it. Why does he have to do that? I wasn't putting him down, and I wasn't trying to tell him that I'm smarter than he is. I was just teaching him how to do it properly, and he shouts in my face.  
  
Now he won't even talk to me. He's acting like he's the victim, when he should apologize. If he's not going to say sorry for what he did, then why should I?  
  
Come to think of it, why should I apologize at all? He started the fight. He completely ignored me when I tried to teach him, then he yelled at me for no reason at all. What was it that crawled up his butt, anyway? Why'd he have to take it out on me?  
  
It's been a week, and he still hasn't apologized.  
  
Doesn't he want to make up with me?  
  
Doesn't he want to go to Tokyo University with me anymore?  
  
Doesn't he like me anymore?  
  
I get up, and I walk over to the middle of my room, where the hole is. Right now it's covered up, and I've watched it every day now for the past three days, hoping that he'd climb up and talk to me. I really want to make up with him. But if he isn't willing to apologize first, then I'll just wait until he does.  
  
HE should apologize, it's HIS fault, I tell myself. But I wonder... am I saying it because I'm right?  
  
Or am I saying it because I can't accept that it was my fault?   
  
Liddo-kun is sitting on top of the lid covering the hole. I pick him up, walk back to my futon, and I lie down.   
  
I curl up around Liddo-kun, and I squeeze him as tightly as I can.  
  
Damn you, Keitaro! I'm sorry, all right!?   
  
I'm really sorry.   
  
I just wish you'd tell me what I did wrong.  
  
************************************************************************************************  
  
"Keitaro?"  
  
I was wrestling with a physics problem, and didn't look up from my notebook. "What is it?"  
  
"When are you and Narusegawa going to talk again?"  
  
I stopped writing. I looked up at the ceiling, hoping that the answer would fall into my lap. When it didn't come, I rested my chin on my right hand, and thought about it. "I honestly don't know, Mutsumi-san. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, it's nice to be able to study alone with you... but it's not as much fun. I'd gotten used to having all three of us sitting around a single kotatsu and working together for the dream of getting into Toudai." She sighed. "The Ronins Club isn't the same without Naru-san."  
  
"Well, that's true. But it's not that easy this time."   
  
She looked at me inquisitively. "Don't you two want to get back together?"  
  
I blushed, and suddenly I diverted my attention to a tiny white spot on the floor. "Who says we were together?"  
  
"You mean you're not?"  
  
I felt the blush spreading. "Well... I wouldn't say we weren't...I mean, we *were*, but it's gotten more complicated than that..."  
  
"Oh, I see..." she says. Her head was cocked to one side, and she looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. Although she claims to have understood, her features betrayed her puzzlement.   
  
Oh, well. I really need to get things off my chest, anyway. And it doesn't seem like anyone else is in a position listen to me, since they're too bummed out about this themselves.  
  
"I mean, we did have something going for a while. We were studying together every day, and it had been weeks since Naru propelled me into the upper reaches of the stratosphere. We were laughing together, eating together, just sitting together and trading stories. We were starting to genuinely enjoy each other's company."   
  
"And then we had that fight. I didn't mean to yell at her, but something had really been bugging me for a while..."  
  
She moved closer, and patted my back sympathetically. "I know exactly what you mean, Keitaro."  
  
I blinked in surprise. "You do?"  
  
She nodded. "I've been through the same thing, you know."  
  
I blinked again. "Really?"   
  
Her lips widened into a smile. Then her eyes softened, assuming that patented older-sister-type expression that made me feel like a little kid with a boo-boo who's been bawling his lungs out. I wasn't a kid anymore, but in her eyes, I think she still sees little Kei-kun in trouble, and she's giving me sisterly advice.   
  
"I think everyone has that same problem once in a while."  
  
I pause, and thought about it. Well, it made sense. Everyone has to question their sense of self-worth once in their lives.  
  
"And you do, too?"  
  
She nodded."Sometimes I'd see a really tough physics question, and I have no idea to solve it. I'd try solving the problem on my special kotatsu, and I'd try using my lucky pencil, and my lucky calculator with the turtle-shell buttons, but I really couldn't figure it out..."  
  
What was she talking about? "Mutsumi-san..."  
  
"I'd even put on my special Liddo-kun thinking cap, but I still don't know how to solve the problem, even after twenty minutes! So I know how frustrating it must've been for you, Keitaro."  
  
"That was bothering me too, Mutsumi-san, but that wasn't why..."  
  
"You know what I do when I've got a problem?"  
  
"Well, no...but right now it's my problem we're talking ab-"  
  
"I usually go out to this place called 'The Melon Rind', and I order myself a tall glass of their patented Watermelon Washer... it's really very delicious, and when I drink it I feel much better about whatever it is I was worrying about before."   
  
This conversation was going way too fast. "I'm sure you do, Mutsumi-san, but I stil don't see how..."  
  
Mutsumi stood up. "We've studied enough for today, I think. I could take you to the Rind, and we could have ourselves a little snack. In fact, you could even try out their Watermelon Washer! I'm sure you'll like it. If that still doesn't drown your sorrows, then maybe you could tell me about this big problem of yours."  
  
I thought about it. Well, this day could only get better, so I guess it wouldn't make much difference. It's become too quiet, too uncomfortable around here since the incident. I can't think clearly while I'm in this house, and this would be a good excuse to get out.  
  
Besides, I've been thinking about it for days, and I'm no closer to a solution. Maybe if I explain things to Mutsumi, she'd be able to help out. They say that the answer to a problem is most obvious to a person looking from the outside.   
  
"What the heck. I suppose a drink wouldn't hurt." 


	4. A Healthy Helping of Washer and Sympathy

"So you see, Mutsumi-san, I'm not sure she'd want to get back together."  
  
The waiter arrived with our orders. I took a tall glass from the tray. It was filled with the infamous Watermelon Washer, which turned out to be nothing more than ordinary watermelon juice with a bit of soda and some mildly alcoholic ingredients mixed in. To tell the truth, I was disappointed.  
  
Mutsumi shot me that older-sister look again. "Well, she does seem particularly upset at the whole thing. You've had fights before, but this is the first time you yelled at her. From the way things sound, it might be more difficult to get her to forgive you this time."  
  
"You got that right," I said, miserably. "The worst part is that it was my fault. I was feeling bad, and I went and took it out on her."  
  
She took her Watermelon Sherbet, which was served in a large bowl with a silver spoon. The Washer was more expensive than the Sherbet, but the Sherbet looked more delicious by far. I should've ordered that instead. I would've gotten more value for my money.  
  
She briefly turned her attention to the waiter, and thanked him politely for his services. The waiter just smiled sheepishly. I paid the bill, but he stayed at our table. I tried ignoring him, but he refused to go away. Instead, he coughed meaningfully, and held out his right palm.   
  
I give up. They had two-thirds of my cash for the week already, so a fifty-yen tip doesn't seem so bad. I dug through my pockets, and placed the coin in his hand. He seemed disappointed, but he went on his way anyway. Looking to find more generous patrons, I suppose.  
  
"I know I should apologize, but what's the point? She won't forgive me this time. In fact, I wouldn't blame her for it. I was being stupid and inconsiderate."  
  
I swirled the pink, plain-looking liquid in my glass, and sniffed it tentatively. Convinced of its quality, I took a little sip, and was pleasantly surprised to discover that it's actually pretty good. The three hundred yen I paid for this beverage might just be worth it.  
  
"I should have known something like this would happen. Someone special finally came into my life, and it felt great. I felt ecstatic. Heck, I was walking on air."   
  
"Should've known that fate was just setting me up for a big drop," I said bitterly, between clenched teeth.   
  
What am I blaming fate for? I'm the guy who yelled at her. I'm the one who started the fight. I'm the one who was being selfish. She was the most important thing to me, and it was my own stupidity that pushed her away.   
  
"Nothing I can do about it now."  
  
I finally find happiness, and what do I do?   
  
I throw it away.   
  
The horrible irony of it started closing in, crushing me like a vice. I took a big swig of the Washer, swished it around my mouth, and swallowed it. The alcohol in the drink started to kick in. They had added just the right proportion of it; I wasn't getting drunk or plastered, but my discomfort was definitely fading. It's getting easier to talk.   
  
"Even if this blows over, it couldn't last. We're incompatible, not right for each other. It's like oil and water, yin and yang, heaven and earth, you know?" I paused, and searched for the right words. "We're just too different. Is this making any sense to you?"  
  
She nodded. "It makes perfect sense. So you think you aren't worthy of her, am I right?"  
  
I'm glad I decided to talk to her. It's difficult for me to talk to anyone, especially about things like this. Sometimes it's too difficult to find the right words, and sometimes it's too complicated for me to explain.   
  
That's the best thing about talking to Mutsumi. She's always ready to listen, and she always understands what I'm trying to say.   
  
"Well, it's true, isn't it?"  
  
"You're blowing things out of proportion, Keitaro. You two just had a little argument. Anyway, just because you and Narusegawa-san aren't alike, that doesn't mean you should give up." She patted my hand encouragingly. "People always say that opposites attract. You see it every day. Air from areas of high pressure moves towards areas of low pressure. Opposite poles of a magnet attract each other."   
  
She took a little scoop from her Sherbet, and smiled. "I'm sure things will work out just fine."  
  
I took another sip of the Washer, and idly poked the ice cubes with my straw. It was the perfect drink; it had just enough alcohol to melt my inhibitions, but not so much that I lose control. I felt my thoughts flowing out spontaneously, being articulated as quickly as they were being conceived. "That saying may be true for stuff like air or magnets, but that's not a hard and fast rule for people."  
  
As I said that, I looked around for an appropriate visual aid to demonstrate my point.   
  
The restaurant was quaint and homey. The chairs and tables were all painted in a warm shade of yellow, which was a nice complement to the leaf green walls. The floor was like a chessboard, with green and white tiles alternating with each other. Napkins and condiments were set on top of every table with the plates and cutlery, for the customers' convenience.   
  
I reached for the condiment rack, and grabbed a bottle of ketchup.  
  
"Ketchup tastes good. It makes practically everything that's been fried taste good. I put it on chicken, pork chops, hamburgers, and french fries, and if you asked me what my favorite condiment was, I'd definitely say it's ketchup."  
  
I set the bottle on the table. With my other hand, I raised my glass, which was stil half-filled with the Washer. "This stuff also tastes good. It's sweet, but not tangy or tart. It's very refreshing, especially if you swirl it around your mouth and give yourself time to savor the flavor."   
  
I thrust the glass down forcefully, like a judge pounding his gavel, to highlight the important point of my discourse.   
  
"But I'd NEVER consider mixing the two together," I said. I pushed the bottle and the glass closer together, until the two were right beside each other. "They both taste good, but in different ways. Combine the two, and you've got something that smells and tastes like Narusegawa's cooking...for a perfectionist, she sure makes lousy lunchboxes..."  
  
Did I just say that? I didn't mean to put it so bluntly. It looks like my stupid mouth's acting up again. Or maybe it's just the alcohol loosening my lips...  
  
Anyway, I've got to take back what I said. "I don't mean she makes nasty food..." I began.  
  
Mutsumi interrupted. "She's made you lunchboxes before?"  
  
The question had caught me off-guard. "She didn't mean anything by it," I said after a short pause. "We had an exam that day, and I didn't have any money to buy food. Kitsune had bled my account dry yet again. She said something about her doctor ordering her to 'maintain the alcohol-plasma ratio in her bloodstream'... or was it 'the turtle made me do it'? Anyway, bottom line is she offered to make me a lunchbox."  
  
"Oh, so Kitsune's made you lunchboxes before, too? You're quite popular with the ladies, Keitaro."  
  
She's misunderstanding things again. Just when I thought we were on the same page...  
  
"NO SHE DIDN'T," I said, horrified. "Her cooking's much worse."   
  
Swell. Now I'm badmouthing Kitsune's cooking.  
  
"As a matter of fact, it was Narusegawa who made my lunchbox. The taste left something to be desired, th..."   
  
I stopped in mid-syllable. I may be stupid, but I wasn't going to make the same mistake three times in a row. I have to try being nice this time, I said to myself, and I began looking for a way to say it without sounding mean.   
  
"I won't go into details. I'll just say this: despite the fact that my stomach went nuclear for a week after that, it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me."  
  
'My stomach went nuclear for a week?' REAL nice, Keitaro.  
  
"Wow...That's so romantic..." she said wistfully.  
  
"That was a long time ago, Mutsumi, and she only did it out of pity."  
  
"Oh, I think it's more than that. Anyway," she went on, "you shouldn't give up. It was just one argument."  
  
I shook my head, and put the ketchup back in its proper place. "That's exactly the point. This fight could be the first of many, perhaps more violent, arguments. It's inevitable that two different people would have disagreements. When two different forces encounter each other, tension builds up. When something like that happens, something's got to give sooner or later."  
  
I took another sip of the Washer, and carried on.  
  
"Some combinations have even worse results, like mixing matter and antimatter. They're too unstable to exist, because there'd be too much energy flying around. The system would fall into chaos."   
  
A loud crash resounds through the restaurant. All the customers craned their necks and scanned the area, trying to find out what had happened. It turns out, one of the busboys had tripped while carrying a trayload of dirty dishes, and was currently being reprimanded by the manager for his incompetence. The busboy, who was obviously wet behind the ears, apologized repeatedly and profusely.   
  
Once everything had settled down, I continued. "Things have always been chaotic between me and Narusegawa, but it was more than chaos this time. It was a totally violent and explosive reaction, and it might become a recurring trend. So I figure it would be better if I nip this thing in the bud, and save us both the heartache."  
  
Mutsumi had been listening attentively to my reverie. All throughout, a variety of emotions ran through her face. Her expression went through a gradual but unmistakable metamorphosis, and changed from a state of puzzlement to understanding. "I see your point." She took a spoonful of her sherbet, and swallowed. A little bit of ice had found its way onto her mouth.   
  
"Umm, Mutsumi-san..." I said, "You've got some..."  
  
She blinked, seemingly oblivious to the ice. I didn't want to point it out directly, since I didn't want to embarrass her or anything. I tried pointing at my face, and gestured insistently, trying to get her to understand. I only succeeded in making her more perplexed than before.   
  
After a minute of playing charades, she finally got the message, and put down her spoon and felt her lip. She realized immediately, and her face reddened. "Oh my," she gasped. She fumbled in her purse for a handkerchief.   
  
I handed her a napkin, and she took it gratefully. When she was done with it, I took the slightly sticky piece of paper, crumpled it up, and disposed of it in the nearest trash can. I came back to the table, and she thanked me. Her skin color had changed into a lighter shade of pink, but her earlier embarrassment hadn't disappeared yet.  
  
"By the way," she said, eager to change the subject, "I didn't know you had learned so much about physics, Keitaro."  
  
I chuckled in what I hoped was a modest manner, and waved my hand dismissively. "It shouldn't be too surprising. After all, I had a great tutor." I took a big drink, and was dismayed to find only a quarter of the original amount remaining.   
  
"When I look back, I realize that I've been a failure all my life. I was always dumb: I never did well in my studies. I'm not athletic: I stink at every sport. And on top of that, I'm a coward: I can always stand up for my friends when they need me. But I can never stand up for myself. The fact is, I'm gutless."  
  
"But you've been trying to get into Tokyo University for three years, even though you failed so many times." She swallowed a larger scoop of watermelon sherbet. She shivered slightly, and lightly touched her temple. "Oh, my.... I ate it too fast..."  
  
I passed my glass to her. "Here. Have a sip, before the brain freeze kicks in."  
  
Keeping her right hand on her temple, she held out her left, and took it gratefully. "Thank you, Keitaro." She drank quickly, and handed my glass back. There was only one-eighth of the original volume left. "That's much better. That's two favors I owe you now."  
  
"No way. You don't owe me anything. What are friends for, right? Besides, I should be thanking you for listening to my troubles."  
  
"You don't owe me anything," she said jokingly, attempting to imitate my voice.  
  
She took another scoop of her sherbet, and swallowed it more carefully. "Like I was saying, you may have failed before, but what counts is the fact that you never gave up. That's pretty courageous, if you ask me."  
  
"No, it wasn't. I was just afraid that Tokyo U would be my last shot at happiness. It was fear that kept me going, and not courage. I always failed to get in. But the fight with Naru was my latest and greatest failure yet."   
  
"It's not that I don't want to make up with her," I continued. "I really want to. In fact, I want us to be more than friends. I want to be able to hold her, to kiss her, to take care of her for the rest of my life. I want to be with her forever, because she makes me feel happy in a way no one else can."  
  
"But I've lived my life long enough to know how it works. Nothing good ever lasts. No matter what I do, I know that disappointment's always waiting for me, just around the corner. So if things with Narusegawa work out, and she becomes...I mean we become... you know..."   
  
I struggled, frantically searching for the perfect words. It shouldn't be something as shameless as 'she becomes my mate for life', but it shouldn't be anything as cheesy as 'we become one'. It has to be a phrase that expresses heat and fire, while at the same time expressing love in its purest form. It has to be something that's sensual yet divine, something that is passionate yet chaste.  
  
I'm stumped.   
  
"...more than friends." I said, lamely. "So..."  
  
Once again, Mutsumi knew what was on my mind. "So you're saying you're afraid you might fail at that, as well?"  
  
"Well, not exactly..." I shrugged. "I think I've gotten used to the idea of me failing. If I fail at that, it won't matter to me, and I'd probably move on to experience bigger, more spectacular defeats. It's the story of my life."  
  
She was visibly confused. "So if you're not afraid of failure, what've you got to lose? Just make peace with her already. And when you're friends again, you can have another chance at being happy."  
  
"I don't want to." I picked up my glass and drank the last of the Washer.  
  
"Why not?" she asked, with genuine curiosity.  
  
"Because if I screw up at that, it's not just myself I'd be failing," I said, setting my glass down. "I'll be failing her, as well."  
  
We sat in silence. After a minute, she spoke up.  
  
"So you're just going to give up?"  
  
I took my straw and started prodding the ice cubes that were left in my glass. "Sure. The way I see it, I'm going to goof up one way or the other. What does it matter if I try to make up with her or not? We're just too different for things to work out, so its better for me to stay away."  
  
She took the last bite of the Sherbet, swallowed it, and replied simply: "It's true that you are different from one another. And I have to admit, it's possible that things will be difficult for the two of you, so I understand why you're so apprehensive about it."   
  
"But that doesn't mean you should just give up. You know you like her, and you know she likes you back. She might not say it out loud, but you know as well as I do that she doesn't want to show her feelings. And if your relationship with Narusegawa is as serious as I think it is, then..."  
  
I shook my head. "I'd only be dragging her down. Like you said, I'm not worthy to be with her."  
  
"I didn't say that." She smiled, and pressed on with the elderly-sister approach. "Keitaro, you have to patch things up. Even if you're afraid of failing, the fact is that you and Narusegawa have become good friends. Even if she doesn't want to forgive you, that fact remains. It shouldn't matter if she forgives you or not. The important thing is that she's your friend, and she deserves an explanation for what happened."  
  
She stopped. "Am I making sense? Gomen, I seem to be rambling..."  
  
I thought about it, and she was right. I was thinking about how much I hurt Narusegawa's feelings, and I've been feeling really guilty. I made a big mistake, and now I have a problem.   
  
But it isn't just my problem. It's Narusegawa's problem as well, and the only way this thing was going to be resolved was by talking to her about it. It's our problem, and we have to work together to get through it.  
  
She's the most important thing to me, and I can't forget that.   
  
I can't give her up that easily.   
  
It can't end like this.   
  
"You're right, Mutsumi-san," I said, my voice brimming with resolve. "You're absolutely right."  
  
She sighed with relief. "I wasn't rambling after all."  
  
"You've been a great help, Mutsumi-san. The answer was right in front of my face. I guess I was just too depressed to see it."  
  
She beamed. "Well, I'm glad that you've found it. So you've decided on what to do?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm going to tell her what happened, and why it happened. Like you said, she deserves that much from me. If she's still mad at me after that, I guess I'll have to live with it. It'll hurt, but at least I'd have said everything that needed saying."   
  
I looked out the window, and I catch myself staring longingly at the late afternoon sun. It was a beautiful thing. Seeing the pink, the yellow, and the orange mix together and splash across the sky... it made me feel good somehow.   
  
I knew that it wouldn't last--that the sun would vanish beneath the horizon soon, leaving nothing but the emptiness of space, perforated by the light of the moon and the stars. But I just kept on watching, enjoying the moment while I can.   
  
Besides, I knew that tomorrow would come soon enough. And with the arrival of tomorrow, there's always a promise of more beautiful sunsets to behold.  
  
"It would be pretty sad, wouldn't it?"  
  
She followed my gaze, and looked out just in time to see the warm, Washer-like colors sink into the landscape.   
  
"What would be pretty sad?"  
  
"To find something so good, to lose it so suddenly, and to go on with your life... knowing that you'll never see it again." 


	5. Oolong Tea and a Crying Shoulder

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was shining brightly, bathing everything in a warm glow. The wind blew softly through the verdant scenery. Fingers of air brushed past the trees, and a faint rustling could be heard.  
  
Hundreds of leaves flew by, carried off by the breeze which blew towards Hinata Sou. The wandering eye drifts idly, until it sees one leaf in particular, pinwheeling through space, tumbling uncontrollably yet gracefully.   
  
The leaf is unremarkable in itself; in every respect, it is like any other. Nevertheless, the eye follows it, tracing every twist and turn in its trajectory. Sudden changes in the air sweep it helplessly, until it finally reaches its ultimate destination...  
  
...a room.  
  
Inside, the eye sees Konno Mitsune and Narusegawa Naru.  
  
********************************************************************************************  
  
"Naru, this thing between you and Keitaro is getting out of hand. You guys don't talk anymore, and you're both avoiding each other..."   
  
Kitsune was sitting across the kotatsu from me. She had invited herself into my room, and she also brought in some oolong tea.   
  
She knows I always need oolong tea when I've got a problem.  
  
Good old Kitsune. Even though she could be kind of annoying sometimes, she's always been a friend in need. She's a good listener, and she really pays attention whenever I'm mad about something, and I just need to let it all out. And when I don't feel like talking about it, she always gets me to talk about it anyway.   
  
She's just that kind of friend.  
  
It's times like this that I really appreciate her company.  
  
I took a big gulp of tea, and replied simply. "Oh, I'm not avoiding him. He's avoiding me. I'm ready to sort things out right now. But if he's not willing to talk yet, then it's not my problem."  
  
Yeah. It's not my problem. If he doesn't want to apologize, it's fine by me. It's a free country. He can do whatever he wants. Even if he wants to jump off a bridge, or swim out into the ocean, or get lost in the jungle in the dead of night, I won't interfere. It's his life, and it's none of my business.  
  
Besides, even if anyone tried to help, he won't listen.   
  
At least, not to me.  
  
He wants to do something stupid, it's okay. I won't be there anymore to correct his mistakes. I'm not going to meddle in his affairs. If he can't appreciate what I'm doing, then he'll just have to get into Tokyo U on his own.  
  
"Besides," I continued, "I've already told you what happened, Kitsune. It's clearly his fault, so I don't see why I should..."  
  
"But this is not just about you," she interrupted. "Naru, you're part of our family. And like it or not, Keitaro had become part of the family, too. Everyone is worried, and nobody wants to take sides because they don't want to hurt either of you. Seeing the two of you fight like this is very hard for us.   
  
"Motoko's trying to hide her concern, but I can tell that she's worried; she's been doing her exercises halfheartedly and without passion, as if something was weighing heavily on her mind. Although she won't admit it, she's affected by all this.  
  
"Shinobu has become more and more distracted lately, and she doesn't seem to enjoy cooking for an unhappy table. Haven't you noticed that? Surely you remember how sad she was when she first came here. Her parents were always fighting, always shouting at each other, and she loved both of them so much. She once told me that the worst part is the cold silences in between the fights, when they don't talk to each other, and they just let their anger build up inside. Do you want her to go through that all over again?  
  
"And Su's not happy anymore! She may seem happy on the outside; she still chases Tama-chan around the house, yells loudly and laughs often, but you can tell that she's just putting on a brave face. Even though she's as pesky and disgustingly cheerful as ever... it's because she wants everybody to cheer up. But everyone's too troubled to play with her, and I think she's starting to feel neglected.  
  
"Something has to be done," Kitsune said, carefully articulating every word. "If this keeps up, things will never be the same around here."  
  
She was right. I've been selfish. All this time, I've been feeling sorry for myself. I didn't realize how hard it is for my friends to see the two of us like this. Ignoring each other, avoiding each other--if this doesn't end soon...  
  
But I still have my pride. I didn't do anything wrong. This is all on Keitaro's hands.   
  
"If you want this thing to be over with, then talk to Keitaro," I said, sipping the last of my tea. "Tell him to apologize to me, instead of trying to convince me to apologize to him."  
  
"I'm not saying you should apologize," Kitsune said emphatically. She motioned for me to give her my empty cup, and reached across the kotatsu. "I'm just saying that you should speak with him. For God's sake, Naru, you're mad at the guy, but you're not even acknowledgeing his existence!"  
  
"Are you saying I'm wrong?" I asked, handing it over.  
  
She took the cup from my hand. "You're shutting him out of your life," she said plainly. "Is that really the right thing to do?"   
  
I can't believe she, of all people, would say that.  
  
She offered me another cup of tea, but I wasn't going to accept it. It was all too clear. Her sympathies didn't lie with me. She wasn't on my side, she was on Keitaro's. She was just being nice to get on my good side, and now she's trying to manipulate me, to trick me.  
  
Well, it won't work.  
  
"I don't believe this!" I snapped. "Now my best friend thinks I'm the bad guy? After I carefully explained the situation to you, you still have the nerve to say that to me?"  
  
She was stunned by my reaction, and it took a second or two before she could respond. "You're not the bad guy, Naru," she said calmly, setting the cup down. "No one's the bad guy. Like I said, we don't want to take sides. I just think you're taking this a little too seriously. Shutting him out, just like that... it seems a little extreme."  
  
"Well, excuse me, but HE shut ME out first!" I fumed. "Don't you get it? He doesn't want me in his life! He thinks I'm just a backseat driver, a nagger, a know-it-all, when I'm just trying to help him out! Why can't you understand that!?"  
  
"Naru..."  
  
"I thought you were my friend!"  
  
Kitsune was visibly shocked.   
  
"But I am your friend, Naru."  
  
To tell the truth, I was shocked too. I had just yelled at Kiitsune, who had done nothing wrong. She was just trying to help me out, and I just...   
  
I felt terrible.   
  
I felt this horrible ache inside me. My stomach felt empty, but I felt like I was about to hurl. My heart was beating wildly, and my chest felt heavy. My back was tensed. All the muscles in my body were in knots.  
  
It was guilt.  
  
And I realized... this must be how Keitaro felt.   
  
After he yelled at me, he said 'Gomen, Narusegawa'... and he ran out of the room.   
  
He hasn't looked me in the eye ever since...  
  
How could I be so mean?  
  
"I'm sorry," I said. I felt the tears welling up. "I'm not mad at you. I just..."  
  
She got up, and went over to my side of the kotatsu.   
  
"It's okay, Naru," she said. "I understand."  
  
I smiled weakly. "Arigato, Kitsune..."  
  
At that point, I burst into tears. She took me in her arms, and squeezed tightly.  
  
********************************************************************************************  
  
"The tea's gotten cold," Kitsune said. "If you want, I could go down and reheat it."  
  
"No thanks," I said, smiling gratefully. "I don't need to drink tea anymore."  
  
"That's good. I'm glad you're feeling better."  
  
"It's all thanks to you, Kitsune. If you hadn't come in here and insisted on talking about it, I would never have been able to vent all my emotions. I haven't been able to think straight lately but thanks to your counselling, I don't feel so bad now."  
  
"Think nothing of it," Kitsune said, waving her hand dismissively. She handed me another box of kleenexes. "Here, use this."  
  
"Thank you," I said, taking them. "I must look awful."  
  
"You've looked uglier," she remarked playfully.  
  
"I take it back," I said, giving her a look. "You're a horrible friend."  
  
"Well, at least I don't look like I was assaulted by a blind band of babboons," she shot back.  
  
I dabbed a kleenex on my face, crumpled it up, and set it down on the floor, next to the other twenty napkins I had used earlier. "You're not helping, Kitsune," I said, putting down the box.  
  
"Hey, I'm just saying. Besides, haven't I helped enough?"  
  
"Yeah, I suppose you have."  
  
"Do you know why he yelled at you?" Kitsune asked suddenly.  
  
I hesitated. "No," I said, after a moment's consideration. "He just yelled at me and left. He didn't even tell me why."  
  
"Maybe you could ask," she suggested. "Naru, Keitaro has never yelled at you before. He wouldn't hurt you on purpose. Whatever reason he had for exploding at you, it must have been very important to him, and I'm betting he's feeling really guilty right now."   
  
"Yeah, you're right," I said. "I think he is feeling pretty crappy. He's been looking really down lately, and I've been giving him the evil eye all week."  
  
"Yeah, you sure have," Kitsune noted. "Haruka-san thinks he's got a problem with his self-esteem or something, and that he's getting really worked up over the coming mock exam. She thinks that he just felt attacked when you were pointing out what he did wrong, and he just snapped. It's possible that's what happened, but personally, I think it's more than that."  
  
I thought about it.   
  
Keitaro has been overly sensitive lately, but I've never bothered asking why. I guess I didn't think he had any problems. Sure, he has that thing with the girl of his promises, and how he really wants to get into Toudai. But those are just things he whines about.   
  
He's a really fun guy... bit dorky sometimes, but he's always nice. He always has a smile ready for anyone he meets, no matter what the weather. He's always willing to help out with any problems, and he always gives good advice. He takes a personal interest in the affairs of his tenants, and has a contagiously otimistic and simple outlook on life.   
  
I guess I just ruled out the idea of him having a real problem... something for him to be bitter about. He just doesn't seem to be that kind of person.   
  
"But it's not important what his problem is," Kitsune continued. "The point is that you'll have to patch things up with him sooner or later. It's obvious that he needs to vent, and we can't be there for him unless things go back to the way they were. How many times has he apologized to you? How many times has he swallowed his pride, just for the sake of keeping the two of you together? Are you saying that all you've been through together was meaningless, that all your feelings were fake?"  
  
Kitsune walked up to me, and put her hands on my shoulders. She looked deep into my eyes, and I saw her wearing an expression I'd never seen before. "It has to end, Naru. And it's not just because we'll miss him, and things won't be the same without him. Things are bad for all of us right now, but I realize that it's even worse for you."  
  
"Kitsune..."  
  
"Listen to me, Naru," she went on. "We've been best friends forever. And as your friend, you know that I only have the best intentions for you. You know I wouldn't suggest anything if it wasn't for your own good."   
  
She gave a weird smile, and continued. "And right now, I think it would be best if you made up with Keitaro, the guy you love..."  
  
WHAT!?  
  
"I don't love him!" I exclaimed with embarrassment.  
  
"Oh come on! You don't have to lie to me, Naru!" she said, sitting down next to me.   
  
"I'm not lying!" I protested.  
  
"I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything!" She nudged my shoulder, and winked conspiratorially. "Do you dream about him? Do you hug Liddo-kun every night, hoping that soon you will be locked in his soft embrace? Come on, you can tell me anything!"  
  
"I have nothing to say! You've got it all wrong! I don't feel that way about him!"  
  
She flashed that weird smile at me again. "Why'd you kiss him, then?"  
  
"Well... because..."  
  
Why's she doing this to me?  
  
She had me, and I knew it.   
  
Still, I didn't want to say it. "I was being stupid." I said, sheepishly.  
  
She burst out laughing. "Yeah right!"   
  
Then she stopped, looked at me, and gave me a hideous grin. "Oh, look... you're BLUSHING!" She started dancing around the room, all the while chanting out "Naru and Keitaro, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes LOVE! Then comes..."  
  
She's really enjoying this, isn't she?  
  
"Stop that, Kitsune! It's not what you think! I'm just disgusted by the thought of..."  
  
She then stopped, turned around, and gave a self-satisfied grin, apparently to say she's had enough fun for the day. "All right, all right. Geez, I was just teasing you, Naru. You should've seen your face! I should've brought my camera!"  
  
I wasn't the least bit amused. "Well, you shouldn't joke about that!" I said.  
  
"I'll stop joking when you two make up," she sang.  
  
"That's not fair!" I moaned.  
  
"Who said anything about fair?" she replied, with that trademark mischievous glint flashing in her eyes. "Now, are you going to make up with him?"  
  
I give up. She really wanted us to make up. If I don't do something soon, she's gonna pester me for the rest of my life. There are a few things I need to ask him, anyway.   
  
"All right. I'll make up with him tomorrow."  
  
She looked blankly at me. "Tomorrow? Why not today?"  
  
"I saw him go out of the house with Mutsumi-san earlier. He hasn't come back yet."  
  
"Oh," she said, nodding.  
  
We sat in silence. The afternoon sun was already setting, and Keitaro hadn't returned yet.  
  
Come to think of it, why did he leave the house in the first place?   
  
Why was Mutsumi with him?   
  
"Well," Kitsune said, after a while, "I'm sure nothing's happened..."  
  
"Yeah," I agreed, after a moment's reflection. "I mean, Keitaro's not that kind of guy... and Mutsumi's not that kind of girl..."  
  
But deep inside, I wasn't sure.   
  
Why would Mutsumi and Keitaro go out together?  
  
I know she likes Keitaro. And I know that he likes her, too. They get along very well whenever they're together. They're always thinking the same things, always laughing at the same jokes... they enjoy each other's company so much. I guess I shouldn't be surprised if they actually were on a date.  
  
But Keitaro had already turned her down before. When he thought she was the girl of his promises, they were together for a while...   
  
But he gave up on her, didn't he? He really wanted to be with me, and he was afraid that he was taking the easy way out, deciding to be with a girl who liked him already.   
  
He didn't want to lead her on back then. Why would he lead her on now?   
  
Unless...   
  
...maybe he really isn't leading her on.   
  
Maybe he has given up on me, and he's decided to go for her instead. Maybe that's why he's been avoiding me lately. Maybe that's why he doesn't want to look at me, or talk to me.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Naru," Kitsune said, patting my shoulder.   
  
"I'm not worried," I said, trying to mask my uncertainty.  
  
"I can read you like a book, Naru," she stated matter-of-factly. "I've been hanging around you for years, and I think I know you well enough to be able to tell whether you're lying or not. And believe me, you're a really bad liar."  
  
"But, Kitsune, I'm really not worried..." I insisted.  
  
"Naru..." she said, wearing that half-smile that says "you know it, and I know it, so what's the point of trying to hide it?"  
  
"All right," I said, letting out a sigh of resignation. "Maybe I am a little worried..."  
  
"And you don't have to worry, Naru. Keitaro won't do anything to betray your trust. He's not the kind of guy who would do that sort of thing. I mean, he may be stupid, but if he has a problem with your relationship, he knows well enough to discuss things with you before doing..."  
  
"I know, I know," I interjected. "But he was pretty hurt when we last spoke. We both were. Frankly, I wouldn't blame him if..."  
  
"Don't talk like that," she said gently. "Don't think about things like that. All that matters is that you have to talk with him tomorrow. Tell him how you feel, say everything that needs to be said,and I'm sure everything will work out great."  
  
"You think so?"  
  
"Trust me, Naru. You're a very beautiful, attractive girl, and if he does anything that could screw up your relationship, then he's an even bigger idiot than we've given him credit for."   
  
"Yeah... I guess you're right..."  
  
"Of course I'm right," she replied, with the air of confidence exuded by those who can't imagine being wrong. She then walked over to the kotatsu and gathered up the cups and pots onto a wooden tray. "Well, I've done my good deed for the day. Guess I'll just be taking these out, then."  
  
"Thanks again," I called out after her.  
  
"No problem," she yelled back. "I'll collect the money for my services in a couple of weeks!"  
  
"What!?" I exclaimed, running out after her. "Hey, you didn't say anything about payment!"  
  
"You didn't ask! Just be sure to have ten thousand yen by the end of the month!" She was an awfully quick runner for someone who was carrying a tea set on a bulky tray.  
  
"That's not fair!" I moaned.  
  
"Who said anything about fair?" she asked, disappearing down the stairs.  
  
"Kitsuneeee!!! You're mean!!!" 


	6. Big Day Tomorrow

Hey, people! I know it's been a year, but I was sort of swamped for the past year. Physics, Calculus, Biochemistry, all that stuff to deal with. Every time I sit down to write, I have trouble getting started.   
  
It's only recently that I've had time to do this. Not sure when the next updates gonna be. Anyway, as always, reader comments, reviews, and suggestions will be very helpful.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Keitaro had been a real gentleman. He paid for both their orders, even though she had insisted in going dutch. Considering he was a ronin, this was a big sacrifice on his part. He had offered to walk her home , even though she insisted that she could go by herself. "It's okay," he had said. "I have worse things to do than take a pretty girl home."  
  
She hadn't prepared herself for that. "Please don't make me blush," she said, although it was too late.  
  
So they left the cafe together, and made their way back to her apartment. There were no words between them on the trip, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all. He would just look at her, she'd look at him, and they'd both smile. He'd even held her by the arm as they crossed the street.   
  
On a whim, she pretended to trip as they got to the other side. He reacted quickly, and steadied her with his other hand.   
  
"Are you all right, Mutsumi-chan?"  
  
"H-hai. Domo," she replied, smiling inwardly as the young man's face reddened. She couldn't help herself.  
  
"Thanks again for letting me vent," said Keitaro, veering desperately towards a safe avenue of conversation. "You've been a big help to me."  
  
"It's nothing, really. I'm just happy to have been there for you."   
  
"It's not nothing, Mutsumi! You're the best! You'll surely make someone the luckiest person on earth someday!"  
  
"Don't say words so carelessly, Keitaro-san. You've already seen how dangerous it could be."  
  
"Who says I'm being careless? I really meant what I said," he says. "You'd make a lovely wife, and--"  
  
He stopped himself. What had he just said? He started to panic, suddenly remembering the consequences of saying things in the moment.  
  
If he had just paid attention and listened carefully, he would have heard the her heart skip a beat.  
  
"And?" she asked, carefully disguising her hopefulness.  
  
"No... nothing."  
  
"Oh."  
  
They travelled the rest of the way in silence. The words were still hanging in the air as they reached the apartment.  
  
"Well..." Mutsumi said, finally, "you'd better get going. I expect Narusegawa would be getting worried right about now."  
  
"Yeah," he replied after a while. "Yeah. So... I'll see you tomorrow? We have a study session tomorrow, don't we?"  
  
"Hai. Just get lots of rest. It's going to be a big day for you."  
  
"Yes. It sure is," he said.  
  
As he left, her eyes followed him. "So close," she whispered, as the door closed behind her.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
She sat in the tub, her body submerged in water, and her mind immersed in thoughts of love, tenderness, and affection.  
  
No, she corrected herself. More accurately, they were just dreams and ambitions, visions of what might be, could be, and what very well should be, had the world been hers to design. If it were up to her, they would still be at the Rind. The setting sun, the Watermelon Washer, the deliberately accidental instances of eye contact, all of it--memories that she would fondly look back on and cherish.  
  
That afternoon they spent together was the closest she had ever gotten to him. It was bliss, just being there while he poured out his innermost thoughts, feelings, and anxieties to her. He had never told anyone about this, and she felt a slight sense of self-satisfaction at being the first girl to have heard these things from him.   
  
She was a good friend, he had said.  
  
Sometimes she felt guilty about continuing this charade. The other girl was always there. The only way she could think of for them to be together was to be his friend, and as far as he knew, that was her only intention. She knew that it wasn't good to keep secrets, firmly believing that deception of any kind had no place in the world, even if no one gets hurt.  
  
He had asked for her advice, and she gave it freely. After listening to his problems, she smiled at him, and encouraged him. She told him to have faith in his feelings, and to be strong...   
  
It had been so easy for her to say that.  
  
God knows what she felt for him. It was something so powerful, so irresistible, that it took all her will just to bottle it in. She had wanted to blurt it out, to interrupt him in mid-sentence. She wanted to finally succumb to these feelings. Just one touch, one real kiss, one gesture of affection, and she would be satisfied. He would finally know, and once that happened...   
  
It's not that simple, she said to herself, as a sudden chill washed over her and brought her back to reality.   
  
She knew the difficulty that came after acting too rashly or aggressively. She'd heard enough stories from some of her older relatives, who--as they put it--"have been around the block, sweetie." She had been brought up to believe that it wasn't proper for the woman to make the first move, although it was okay to express affection without being too pushy.  
  
She hadn't believed them. After all, this advice came from her aunts, whose last fiery relationship had occurred during the height of Super Mario's popularity. That may have been true for their generation, but surely things are different these days.  
  
She was careless. Looking back, perhaps she should have been more cautious. She thought it was all right. He had seemed to want to be with her, so she had said things.   
  
As it turned out, he hadn't wanted to be with her. She felt foolish for being so naive--but just like a fool, she never gave up. He had said "gomen"; that didn't necessarily mean he didn't like her. The time wasn't right, that's all. So she nurtured her love for him, all this time, hoping that another chance would come.  
  
Ever since then, she restrained herself. She would be with him often, giving him innocent smiles, and friendly advice. If she was feeling really adventurous, she would say how much she likes being with him, and how good she makes him feel. However, not one of those things ever captured what had always been there.   
  
A girl shouldn't reveal her feelings, because it would weaken her position in the relationship; this she could understand about Narusegawa's actions. It's unseemly for her to make advances first, because this would give him all the power. She might end up being used, her love abused.   
  
He would never do such a thing, of course, but that line of thinking had been deeply ingrained. The many words of wisdom imparted to her by the "more-than-once-around-the-block" portion of the family rose up from the waters of memory. It was a lesson that had been repeated over and over again, like relentless, anti-male propaganda--so much so that no allowance could be made for any man, no matter how good he is.  
  
On the other hand, being too forward would give the impression of being unable to commit. She goes wherever her heart takes her, and would therefore have no consideration for her partner. Instead of being attracted to her, he might avoid her altogether, as her independent nature convinces him to erase any possibility of a serious relationship.  
  
Having decided that the risk far outweighs the reward, she contented herself with her current situation. She liked being around him, even though usually it's just as a study buddy. She liked being able to watch and listen to him, posing as a friend for him. As his friend, she would always be there, ready to help.  
  
This was enough.  
  
But sometimes, enough wasn't enough.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
At that time, sprawled across the couch in the living room, Konno Mitsune felt good.   
  
She didn't usually feel anything, and usually felt that a bit of excitement is always a good thing. There was usually a lot of commotion around, what with Kaolla's weird toys and games and Motoko's almost continual use of her sword, but that stuff gets boring now and then. Whenever that happened, she'd just sit around, drink sake, and keep her eyes and ears peeled for the next exciting event. Kitsune had become known for her instincts, and when she started asking questions about something, you can bet that it was going to get interesting later on.  
  
In any case, she had enough amusement living at Hinata Sou, where trouble seemed to come up every other day. It's not that she liked trouble. She was just one of those people who looked at peace and tranquility as optional features of everyday life, so living at Hinata Sou seemed like a good idea.  
  
Things haven't been good lately. The others were all quiet and moody about the incident, and they weren't able to concentrate on anything. It wouldn't be right to play pranks to lighten the mood, and even if she did, it would be like kicking somebody when they're down. She liked the occasional cheap thrills, but she didn't like them that cheap.  
  
Narusegawa hadn't gone out of her room, either. If she had a problem, she would almost invariably visit Kitsune's room, and she'd be fine the next day. Sometimes it would be more personal, and she'd deal with it on her own. After a few days, things would be back to normal.  
  
It's been a week. This is something big, since Naru's dealing with it alone. But it's taking her so long.  
  
What the heck, Kitsune said to herself. Long as this goes on, no one's going to have any fun.  
  
So she had helped out. It had been a surprisingly heartfelt conversation between the two of them, and she saw a new side to her best friend. Something that she couldn't possibly have uncovered by messing with her head.   
  
At the end, she had felt oddly happy. Proud of being a good friend, perhaps. Or maybe she was proud of being able to do so much for Naru just by listening and being honest for just a minute.  
  
Anyway, things will be fine tomorrow. Provided Keitaro doesn't screw up.  
  
From the corner of her eye, she saw the front door swing open. Speak of the devil...  
  
"I'm home!"  
  
She sat up. "You're also late. Looks like you had a lot of fun with Mutsumi this afternoon."  
  
"I'll let that one slide," he said, as he made his way into the living room.  
  
"Only joking. Geez, someone's a little touchy," she commented, as she motioned for him to sit beside her. "I did you a little favor," she added, wrapping her arm around his shoulder conspiratorially.  
  
"What kind of favor?" he asked warily. He had been kanrinrin for some time, and knew what kind of favor to expect.  
  
"I talked to Naru, and she's feeling better. In fact, she wants to talk to you tomorrow."  
  
Keitaro relaxed. It was a normal kind of favor this time. "Really?"  
  
Kitsune grinned. "Yep."  
  
He jumped out of his seat, nearly knocking her over in the process. "That's perfect! I want to talk to her tomorrow, and I was afraid that she'd blow me off if I asked her if we could talk tomorrow..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah, save your breath," she said. Seeing that Keitaro was on his feet, she lay down across the length of the couch. "You can talk to her tomorrow. It's definitely okay by her."  
  
"This is great! Thanks!"   
  
"No problem. She's my friend too, you know. Anyway, I was thinking that you could do something for me in return."   
  
"Sure! Anything!"   
  
"Can you take me to your room?"  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
She had agonized about what she should do. Should she take a chance, seize the moment, and tell him how she really feels? Or should she wait patiently by his side, hoping and praying that someday he would grow to love her more than Narusegawa?  
  
Mutsumi's previous neighbor, Amara Su, had been bothered by her behavior. She would sometimes come over to borrow some things. Meanwhile, Mutsumi would sit morosely by the phone, pick up the handset, dial two or three digits, and put the phone down. After a minute or so, she would pick it up again, and again she would hear the sad, tentative beeping of the keys chime out of the earpiece. Eventually she would put the phone down again, cursing herself under her breath.  
  
After a while, Amara-san's curiosity would get piqued, and she'd ask what the problem was. Mutsumi, still reprimanding herself, would do her best to avoid the question, saying something like "it's just fun to press the buttons," or "it's amazing how this phone works, and I was just taking time to appreciate it for myself."   
  
She hated lying to Amara-san, especially since her excuses were so transparent that they couldn't be considered deceptive or misleading in any way. But she couldn't tell her. She wouldn't let herself. Not before she told him, she vowed.  
  
Amara-san had been very understanding. She always asked, but she never pried. Mutsumi had liked this about her, and wished that she could've gotten to know Amara-san better. Unfortunately, she left before the opportunity came up, leaving many things unsaid...and one particular question unanswered.  
  
If only she had been more open with her.  
  
If only she was more honest with him.  
  
She shook herself from her reverie, and looked around. Her eyes chanced upon the clock that hung on the bathroom door. It had been two hours already? She scolded herself for being so distracted. She got out of the tub, her milky complexion illuminated in the dim light of the evening. She dried herself off, put on her pajamas, made her way to the bedroom, and sat down in front of her dresser mirror. Her face illuminated by the warm glow of the night lamp, she then proceeded to brush her long, chestnut brown hair.   
  
Who knows? If she confessed now, he might decide to abandon the chase, to give up the unreciprocated affection he had so recklessly showered upon the other girl who's too afraid to be close to him.   
  
It was inconceivable. How could anyone be afraid of him? His soft eyes, his boyish charms, his honesty and sincerity... such things are rare among people, and even rarer among men. How could Narusegawa not recognize it? How can she stay away?  
  
And still he wants her. He's wasting his affections, and he's losing his self-confidence in the process. She's wasting his time, and refuses to let him into her heart. Fate has brought the two together, and has no apparent intention of undoing its folly just yet.  
  
She brushed a little harder now. She had to, if she wanted to get all the little tangles out.  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
"What do you mean, you don't have money?"   
  
"I don't! I went to that cafe with Mutsumi, and now I'm flat broke!" he exclaimed. I should've expected this, he added mentally. I really should've.  
  
"That's why I asked to come here," she replied calmly, her voice darkening. "Just get some from the inn account. I know the money's here somewhere, and you're the kanrinrin."   
  
Keitaro stood there, his mouth agape. "Are you crazy? I can't do that!"  
  
She then walked across the room, and looked out the window.  
  
"Look," Keitaro said, "I appreciate the favor, I really do, but you can't seriously expect me to--"  
  
"Favors can be so easily undone, you know," she said. Her voice was distant, in a way that was normally associated with people who wore suits, liked playing poker in smoke-filled rooms, and claimed to be simple waste disposal consultants trying to make an honest living.  
  
"But...that's not fair..." The ronin mumbled.  
  
He's so gullible, she thought, and burst out laughing. "You really fell for it!" she says, fighting for breath. "I was only joking about the money! Getting cash from you would be like drilling for oil in the toilet!"   
  
"A joke!?"   
  
"Which you totally fell for!" she said, turning around while still clutching her stomach.  
  
"That was cheap, you know."  
  
"Can't help it," she replied, rubbing the tears out of her eyes. "It's been pretty dull lately, and you're right there."  
  
"Real nice of you," he said evenly.  
  
"Oh, quit pouting. Look, I'm sorry, all right?"  
  
He remained silent.  
  
"You know, I really admire what you're doing," she says suddenly. "I'm usually not serious or honest, because I'm afraid that I'd say something I would regret."   
  
This is new, Keitaro thinks. I've never seen Kitsune like this before.  
  
"I envy other people who can say things openly and honestly," she went on, her eyes focused on some distant point, like someone lost in thought. "I know the weight of words, and I know what kind of pressure you must be feeling right now. Tomorrow's an important day, and the words between the two of you will be much heavier than usual."  
  
She then walked up to him, and looked him squarely in the eye.  
  
"You're going to speak with her tomorrow. As a favor to me... make sure of this."  
  
He searched her face for something, anything, that indicated trickery. Not finding anything, he asked, "This isn't a joke, is it?"  
  
"I'm serious."  
  
"All right. What do you want me to do?"  
  
Kitsune grinned, and started to walk away towards the door. "Whatever you end up saying to her tomorrow morning... make sure that you mean it."  
  
*************************************************************************************************  
  
It was only ten o' clock. She didn't want to go to bed yet, and wasn't in the mood to study. There was nothing to do. Clearly, it would be improper for her to call at this point. She wasn't really a close friend of Kitsune's or Shinobu's, so it would be hard to talk with them. Kaolla's too easily distracted. Motoko was the lone wolf among them, and making small talk with the Kendo girl would be about as easy as squeezing blood from a stone.  
  
She was closest to Keitaro and Narusegawa, who were currently at odds with each other. Calling Narusegawa wouldn't be appropriate; she couldn't talk to Narusegawa, who probably noticed her and Keitaro leaving the house that afternoon. Calling Keitaro would be unwise, as this would trigger feelings of jealousy from the other girl. She didn't want to intrude in their affairs; if she sincerely wanted his affections, she decided, then it would be wrong for her to meddle.  
  
So she wasn't going to play the third wheel. She wasn't going to do anything to sabotage their relationship, because then he'd be choosing her for the wrong reasons. She wanted to win him totally, on her own terms. So she had advised him to talk with her, to figure things out.  
  
Besides, what would happen if she tried taking him now? He'd leave Narusegawa behind, but he's still unsure of his feelings. If she did that now, then he'd surely spend the rest of his life looking over his shoulder, and asking himself "what if...?" He'd be with her physically, but emotionally, he'd find himself looking back, searching for the closure that he had never gotten.  
  
She didn't want that. If he was going to be with her, then she wanted him to be ready.  
  
But was she just going to sit around forever?   
  
He had said that the saddest thing was to find something beautiful, to lose it, and to know that you'll never see it again. She had been thinking about it for a while now, and she knew that it was true.  
  
Having completed her evening routine, she put her brush down and stood up. She lay down on the bed, switched off the light on the side table, and reflected deeply, staring at the darkness. After a while, the softness and the warmth of the mattress seeped through her, and she shut her eyes.  
  
I'll rest early tonight, she thought. Maybe tomorrow will be a big day for me, too. 


	7. Good Morning, Hinata Sou

Narusegawa's eyes fluttered for a moment, trying to adjust to the blinding light. Rays of early morning sunshine pierced through the windows.   
  
She turned over and away from the offending glare. She hated having to turn over because of some obnoxious natural 50,000-watt bulb illuminating her room every morning. She was all for waking up to the dawn of a bright new day, but it would have been nice to have some choice in the matter. In fact, she wanted shades for the window, but hadn't had time to find some. She was too busy studying.  
  
Actually, 'busy' might be the wrong word. For one thing, saying that you're busy usually implies some sort of purpose or deliberation. All the stuff that she's been doing wasn't done purposefully, but as a distraction. It was just noise, wallpaper, something that was there to cover things up. She was studying intensely, yes, but she was just trying to keep her mind occupied, hoping that somehow it would forget.  
  
But she couldn't forget. Was it her fault? Was it his fault? He yelled at her first, but did she make him do it somehow?  
  
Anyway, that doesn't matter anymore. It'll all get sorted out. Once she gets a chance to talk to him...  
  
What was that?  
  
Narusegawa scans the room muzzily, trying to ignore the purple spots dancing in front of her eyeballs.  
  
In the center of the room, the lid was moving.   
  
Naru steeled herself, and grabbed the nearest weapon she could find. She then situated herself behind the lid, so that whatever was sneaking in would suddenly be endowed with a few extra bumps on the back of his head, care of two hundred years and five hundred pages of Japanese history.  
  
So just as the intruder was halfway into the room, Narusegawa yelled.   
  
"Gomen! Gomen! Tasuketeee!"  
  
Naru stopped.  
  
"What are YOU doing here?" Narusegawa exclaimed.  
  
The hapless ronin uncurled himself from the fetal position he had adopted, and sat up, rubbing his head. "Sorry I woke you up," he mumbled.   
  
"That's not the point. What kind of idiot goes into a girl's bedroom in the early morning, when she's not even had time to freshen up? What was I supposed to think?"   
  
His eyes were downcast. "Gomen... but I really wanted to talk to you."   
  
She hadn't expected this. She wanted to talk to him too. But this early?   
  
In the confusion that was generally associated with pauses such as this, Silence saw an opportunity to creep in.  
  
Naru stared at him. He was scruffy, unkempt, and he's got bags under his eyes. Obviously, he hadn't bothered to wash up or anything before coming up here.   
  
Probably didn't get much sleep last night, either. "You look like hell," she said indistinctly.  
  
He wanted to say...  
  
_It has been hell. I've been in physical pain this past week. My stomach's in knots, I've been restless, unable to sleep...  
_  
_No_, Keitaro said to himself. _I mustn't jump right into it. She's still mad... looking at her expression, the message is clear; you yelled at me, didn't speak to me for a week, and now you barge into my room in the ridiculously early hour of six thirty because you want to apologize?   
_  
Her hair was in knots and tangles. She's got eyebags under her bloodshot eyes. Her skin was oily. She had just woken up, then. "Said the pot to the kettle," he replied.   
  
"Oh, so you DO want a fight--"  
  
"Nonononono! Sorry... I just wanted to lighten the mood."  
  
"You always were smooth with women."  
  
There was another pause in conversation, during which Silence invited Embarassment and Awkwardness over to come and have a few drinks.  
  
_Here I go again_, Narusegawa said to herself. _I'm pushing him away. Just look at that face... I bet he's thinking 'I'm really sorry I bothered you, I know I've been a jerk. I've probably just screwed up any chance I had of getting you to forgive me.'  
_  
"I'm sorry," he said, walking back towards the hole. "I shouldn't have bothered coming--"  
  
"No, no, it's all right..." she said, walking over and sitting down next to him. "Look, I'm glad you came up here. I've been wanting to talk to you, too."  
  
"What happened to your hands?" he said, noticing the bandages on Narusegawa's fingers.  
  
She looked down. "These? Got blisters from studying too much. I've been working hard for the exam. Looks like you've been working hard too," she said, seeing Keitaro's hands.   
  
"Not exactly. I got these from drawing too much..."  
  
"You mean you didn't study for the whole week?"  
  
"No. Haven't been able to."  
  
"Why not?" she asked.  
  
"Because you're not there with me," he answered simply.  
  
Naru's eyes widened. "I'm really sorry, Narusegawa," he went on. "I was wrong to yell at you. I mean, I know I was doing things wrong, and you were just trying to help me out and everything. I don't know what came over me... I just snapped. There's no excusing what I did to you back then."  
  
"I know you didn't mean it," she replied. " You're one of the sweetest guys I know."  
  
"I've been feeling really awful since then. I truly wanted to apologize, but I didn't think you'd ever want to talk to me again. You've been giving me the cold shoulder..."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. I was hurt. I mean, you yelled at me, and I just didn't know why... it wasn't fair of me to hold a grudge..."  
  
"You had a right to be angry. I didn't tell you what I was feeling, that I was feeling frustrated. I expected you to read my mind, which was really unfair of me."  
  
"Well... since we're together now... you want to talk about it?" she asked.  
  
Keitaro looked at her. She smiled.  
  
"Yeah," he said, finally. "I guess so."  
  
The words came out slowly at first, but as the rhythm and the tone of his voice became more and more comfortable, Silence, Embarassment, and Awkwardness saw it best to leave the two of them alone.

* * *

_It's no big deal_, the blonde fox said to herself, as she made her way towards the balcony. _I'm just getting a bit of early morning fresh air. Taking in the sunshine. Just basking in the general glory and beauty that is Mother Nature. It's good to wake up early once in a while to appreciate the wonder of the world._  
  
_Ahhh...  
  
Yep. That's the sun all right.  
  
Still there.  
  
Really pretty.  
  
Breathe in that fresh air.  
  
OK. Time to check on Naru. She should be awake by now.   
  
I'll just be passing by, just ask her how she is, how she's doing. And if she happens to want some friendly advice on how to talk to a certain twenty-year-old ronin, or maybe some reassurance as to her chances of making it with a certain twenty-year-old ronin, or perhaps some help getting the twenty-year-old ronin to talk to her, then I'd be all too happy to help. No trouble really.  
_  
_I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm concerned about Narusegawa. I really am. But I don't want people going around thinking I've gotten soft or anything. Helping people out of the goodness of my heart, or obligation to a friend... not my style. This is just a special case.  
  
It's just really pathetic. Those two should be way past second base by now. Studying for hours on end, alone together, in a room... how the heck could they go this long? The guy's obviously attracted to her, and she had already warmed up to him long ago. What the heck is his problem?  
_  
_Knowing him, he's probably intimidated by how pretty Naru is. Naru's always been pretty. Even in junior high, all the guys thought she was the cutest girl in school... aside from me, of course, but I'm way out of their league. I'd flirt with them for a little bit, dangle the goods. When they bite, then the real fun began, and none of them were ever able to keep up. Little boys with their wet little dreams, that's all they ever were.  
  
So they all went for Naru. Naru never took any real notice, of course. She was civil enough to acknowledge their feelings and let them down easy, sure, but she never really took any of those guys seriously. Far as she was concerned, none of those guys were ever interested enough, or interesting enough, for her. _

_Most of them took it pretty well. But some of the guys didn't take it lying down. You know the type--muscleheads and pretty boys who think of themselves as the pivot point for the rotation of the universe. In their eyes, Naru's rejection was a personal insult. So they asked me to talk to her about it.   
  
Personally, I thought they were morons. They were totally wrong for her. But hey, I thought, there's no reason I shouldn't try talking to Narusegawa on their behalf for a small mediator's fee of 1000 yen each. A valuable lesson for any woman of the world: despite it being a biological impossibility, it's very easy to milk an idiot peacock for all he's worth. And since I was a businesswoman of my word, I talked to Naru.  
  
Naru, I said, we're still young. It's not good for a girl to have such high standards. Love isn't all about eyes meeting across a room, or a guy writing a poem for you every day. Sometimes, the most enduring relationship starts from the most horrible first date. Love isn't about destiny or fate. It's a gamble, just like everything else, and you can't expect to win big if you don't play a few bad hands first. Just play the field for a little while, and your experience will help you in choosing the right guy.  
  
But she stubbornly stuck to her guns. If it's not going to be serious, she said, then I don't want to have anything to do with it. I've got better things to do with my time than to be some jerk's flavor of the month. If they really want to be with me, then they'd have to prove it first.  
  
So that was that. Aside from her schoolgirl crush on Seta-san, she never became interested in anyone, causing much injured pride to the more egomaniacal members of our school's male demographic. For as long as I've known her, she's been the performer... the pretty girl who worked and studied really hard to become the best she could be. She had high standards for herself, and apparently expected a man who would meet her high standards.  
_  
_Who'd have thought that the ronin would be able to succeed where so many have failed?  
  
I didn't. First time I saw him, I knew the guy was spineless and gutless. He was older, sure, but his nervous smile and hunched shoulders showed someone who had no spirit whatsoever, who never had the drive or determination to work for anything. This is a guy who'd give up on something because it's too difficult, a guy who didn't have the capacity to dream big. This is the kind of guy who'd rather live life with his head down than to stand up for what he believes in, if he believed in anything at all.  
  
I think Motoko saw it too. He was an older guy, and he was nice, but he wasn't a man at all. He was just a boy, and there was no chance in hell that Naru would ever become interested in him. Naru's too high up for the guy.  
_  
_Over time, though, the guy's earnest and honest approach seems to have changed her somehow. There's something different, as if there was some more sensitive and vulnerable side that's come out. She still doesn't wear her heart out on her sleeve, but she doesn't conceal her feelings as much anymore. They talk with each other more and more, and there's a sense of trust that is slowly growing.  
_  
_Who'd have thought she'd grow to love this guy?  
  
There's her room. I'll just go in and...  
_  
Kitsune stopped. She felt a growing sense of interest at the barely audible voices coming from inside. She strained to hear the conversation more clearly, but couldn't make out the words. _That is Naru's voice, certainly...  
_  
She listened. _She's talking to the ronin? And he's talking to her?_  
  
_Damn. Looks like I'm not needed._  
  
_Ah well_, she said to herself, as she made her way back to her room. _Need to sleep some more, anyway. Early mornings aren't really my thing..._

_I can't wait to tell everyone the good news, _she thought, as a knowing grin spread across her face.

* * *

The rat slumbered.  
  
In the darkness, footsteps echoed.  
  
It woke up.  
  
The secret passages of Hinata inn were old and relatively undisturbed. Leaks in the plumbing provided adequate drinking water, and the passages gave the rat free access to any room in the place, allowing it quickly find its way to salvage crumbs of bread or bits of cheese that was dropped on the floor. Best of all, there was lots of space for unwanted domestic rodents to run around and hide from unsympathetic humans.  
  
However, the place wasn't perfect. Every silver lining has a cloud...  
  
In this case, the cloud came in the guise of Kaolla Su and Tama-chan the flying turtle. Every once in a while, the continuing battle between human and turtle would find its way to the rat's humble abode. The rat, having been through its share of chases, knew that any cat-and-mouse game would result in random destruction of some kind. It had long ago accepted this disruption in its routine, and had adjusted to it as a barman would adjust to the occasional tavern brawl--just let the chaos run its course. Enjoy the show for now, preferrably from a safe vantage point, which in this case would be on top of the rusty iron beam situated five and a half feet above the floor at the end of the passage.   
  
And when it's all over, the rat thought as it skittered across the dust and rust and dampness, you can just pick up the pieces and start cleaning up. It was a pain, of course, but the rat had grown to love watching these impromptu turtle hunts.   
  
"You're not getting away!" Kaolla yelled, thundering after the turtle. The human girl wasn't bad, as far as chasers went. She was much smarter and faster than the cat that used to chase him. Of course, saying that someone is smarter and faster than a fur-covered tub of lard wasn't much of a compliment, but that couldn't be said for most of the humans that he had seen.  
  
As good as the human was, though, the turtle always managed to be just one little step ahead. Tama-chan flew on, unimpressed by the girl's idle threats. As gracefully as any flying turtle can manage, she zipped down the passage, did a perfect barrel roll, and arced through the air around the corner.   
  
"Nice one," Kaolla said. Her legs pumped furiously, as she lowered her body and darted after the turtle. With perfect balance and coordination, she negotiated the bend tightly and collided with a rotting pile of wood.

The rat had stopped wondering what would happen to the turtle if it got caught long ago, and had mentally filed that train of thought under Rhetorical Questions. The girl was fast, but she wasn't going to catch the turtle any time soon.  
  
"Not bad," the girl said, almost instantly springing back to her feet. And almost as quickly, she was making long strides down the second passage, and gaining on Tama-chan.   
  
She seems to be doing much better today, the rat considered. It then skittered along the beam, chasing after them.  
  
"How do you like my high-traction, lightweight, ergonomically-balanced turtle-chasing sneakers?" she shouted. "With these babies, wet puddles pose no danger for me! And if that doesn't impress you"--both hands reached into her backpack--"then how about this?"  
  
Kaolla's hands blurred. Wires windmilled through the air. Weights at the ends of each wire gave momentum, spin and direction, plus the potential to tie up a target within seconds.  
  
The turtle accelerated, and dodged expertly through a narrow gap between some pipes. The wires followed, but ended up entangled around the rusted metal.  
  
"So close!" Kaolla hissed, ducking under the pipes and continuing to chase Tama.   
  
She was getting frustrated...  
  
...the turtle halted, nearly crashing into a wall. It was a dead end.  
  
"Game's over!" the girl yelled triumphantly, launching herself at Tama.  
  
At the last second, Tama performed a perfect loop-the-loop. She dodged Kaolla's outstretched fingers by centimeters, flew upward, over, and behind the girl. The girl's frame hit the old wood with a thud, as Tama-chan looked on.  
  
Lithely, Kaolla twisted, rolled onto her feet, and was ready to give chase again...  
  
The wood buckled.

And then the world rushed upward.  
  
The rat watched for a few moments. And then, deciding that the game was indeed over, he curled up and went back to sleep.

* * *

"Are these what you wanted, Shinobu?" Motoko asked. She hefted a bag of vegetables in her left hand.  
  
"Hai! Arigato gozaimasu!" Shinobu replied. "Could you leave them on top of the counter, please?" she asked politely, as she went back to setting the table.  
  
"All right."  
  
"I can't thank you enough for helping me with breakfast today, Motoko-san. I mean, I know it's an imposition, especially since you usually practice your sword technique around this time..."  
  
"It's nothing," Motoko said. "I need to stop training for a while, anyway."  
  
"I see," Shinobu said. Having done the table settings, she made her way towards the kitchen counter and opened the cupboard. "Practicing every day must get very tiring eventually," she commented while reaching in and grabbing a chopping board and knife.  
  
"I'm not tired," Motoko replied, a shade defensively. She joined Shinobu at the kitchen counter. "My technique has been slipping lately. I know the strokes by heart, but I have been unable to perform them properly as of late."  
  
Shinobu took a radish from the bag, and proceeded to chop it slowly and carefully.  
  
"It's not that I'm doing it incorrectly," Motoko went on. "I just do not feel as much spirit as I did before. My exercises have become nothing more than routine for me, and I fear that pushing myself further would lead me to forget the true essence of swordsmanship."  
  
_That's right_, she said in the privacy of her thoughts. _I have simply lost track of the essence of my art. It has nothing to do with Urashima and Narusegawa-san. It is none of my business, and I cannot let myself be affected by the affairs of others.  
_  
"So you're afraid of getting burnt out, Motoko-san?" Shinobu asked.  
  
"I suppose that is how some would say it. I will return to my training in three days, with renewed vigor. Sometimes, one must forget in order to remember."  
  
"That's true," Shinobu said, looking up. Her left hand pushed the radish a little too far, and her knuckles went under the chopping knife. "Ow!"  
  
"Shinobu! Are you all right?" Motoko asked, her voice radiating cool concern.  
  
"I'm fine," Shinobu replied. "I just got a bit careless. Luckily, I didn't cut myself."   
  
Motoko looked down. The skin was scraped off. It wasn't too serious, but it can't be ignored, either. She took the knife from Shinobu.  
  
"Wash it before it gets infected. I'll take over from here."   
  
Shinobu washed her hands, and wrapped bandages around her knuckles. She went back to the counter and peeked over Motoko's shoulder. "Wow," Shinobu breathed in awe. "Your hands are so quick, Motoko-san..."  
  
"I am a master of the blade," Motoko said. "If I can wield a sword, then a simple kitchen knife should present no challenge."  
  
"You're amazing, Motoko-san. You practice each and every day, and never think of anything else. You just love your art so much, and it's just inspiring to see that."  
  
"I don't love my art," Motoko said bluntly. "Love is temporary. It goes away with time."  
  
"But surely you must have a reason for..."  
  
"I have dedicated myself to my family's sword style. Due to... unforeseen circumstances, I have been charged with preserving our craft. And I have sworn on my honor that I would rise to the challenge."  
  
Shinobu hesitated. She probably shouldn't pry, but... "So do you really want to do it?"  
  
Motoko responded after a while. "That does not matter. My family's style has been handed down for many generations. It must be kept alive no matter what, and if that requires me to give up my life to that cause, then it is a small sacrifice for me to make."   
  
She stopped chopping. "Most people live their lives for themselves," she said, somewhat coldly. "I live my life for something larger than myself."  
  
Shinobu stared. _But... did you really want that, Motoko-san?_  
  
She opened her mouth to speak, but Motoko spoke up first. "If anyone should be admired for loving what she does, it should be you, Shinobu. Cooking, keeping the house tidy... you never seem to tire of it. Here, I have chopped up the vegetable."  
  
"Ano... Motoko-san, I don't need the top of the radish," Shinobu said meekly. "Sorry..."  
  
"No need to apologize. I suppose we can use the top for something else. Besides, I should apologize for the error."  
  
"It's not a big deal," the girl insisted. "I should have said which part I wanted to use in the first place."  
  
"It's astounding that such a child already knows so much about the culinary arts," the sworswoman remarked. "I am surprised that you don't get tired of it."  
  
"It's not that I don't get tired," Shinobu said, getting a tomato from the bag and handing it to Motoko. "I'm just happy being with all of you. Around here, everyone seems so happy. Around here, problems aren't problems at all. You don't exactly forget your worries, or your responsibilities, but having people who are there and ready to listen to you... it seems to make them smaller and easier to face."  
  
Motoko smiled at the girl. "You consider us as your second family, don't you?"  
  
"Of course!" Shinobu replied, as the kendo girl proceeded to slice the tomato. "This place is very important to me. Everyone here is important to me. Preparing meals and helping out with chores is just my way of giving something back." She stared into space. "I guess it's my way of dedicating my life to something larger than myself. It's not much, but it's a very important duty for me."  
  
Motoko placed a hand on Shinobu's shoulder. "No duty is too small to be important," she said. "I have finished with the tomato."  
  
Shinobu looked up at Motoko's face first, then down at the sliced-up tomato. "That's perfect, Motoko-san," she said. "Arigato gozaimasu."  
  
"It's nothing--"  
  
"I hate to break up this little moment," Kitsune said as she barged into the kitchen "but I've got some big news! The ronin and Naru are upstairs, and they're talking!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yep! And they're talking in Naru's room! The ronin's got some guts after all, being all aggressive like that! Going up to Naru's room... who'd have thought?"  
  
"Personally, I think it was inappropriate," Motoko commented. "A man going into a woman's room uninvited, so early in the morning..."  
  
"Hey, they're getting closer. At this point in a relationship, there's room for a little flexibility."  
  
"But even so..."  
  
"Anyway," Shinobu piped up, "I'm just happy that senpai and Naru-san are talking to each other again. I have to tell Kaolla the good news! I'll come back and finish cooking later!"  
  
"Don't hurry! Looks like those two might take all morning talking to each other!"  
  
As Shinobu ran upstairs, Motoko and Kitsune were left alone.   
  
Kitsune coughed. "So... what do you think?"  
  
"Of what?"   
  
"Will he try to make first base today?"  
  
Motoko blushed. "I don't know."  
  
"Yeah, you're right. He had the confidence to go into her room, and everything's going fine. The guy must be feeling pretty pleased with himself. He'll probably try to make up for lost time... second base, at least."  
  
"It's not my place to speculate," said Motoko.  
  
"Oh come on! Don't you feel the least bit intrigued? Them, alone in a room together..."  
  
"He will not get far. At least, he will not let himself. He may think like other men, but he does not act like other men. Besides, Narusegawa-san can handle herself."  
  
"Fine. Keep telling yourself that. You just don't have the imagination for it, I guess."  
  
"I do not waste my time imagining things as ridiculous as--"  
  
"All right, all right, I'm sorry already. Geez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the futon today--"  
  
Before Kitsune could finish her sentence, she was interrupted by the sound of feet running down the hardwood staricase. "Kaolla is missing!" Shinobu cried, panting.


End file.
